Real Programmers ...Don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how to spell- Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke and palate-scorching Szechwan food.- Don't write applications programs. They program right down to the- bare metal. Applications programs are for dullards who can't do- systems programming.- Don't write specs. Users should be grateful for whatever they get.- They are lucky to get any program at all.- Don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard- to understand and even harder to modify.- Don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's- form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did- for them.- Don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the- novice and the coward.- Don't use Cobol. Cobol is for wimpy applications programmers.- Don't use Fortran. Fortran is for wimpy engineers who wear white- socks pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get- excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation.- Don't use PL/I. PL/I is for insecure momma's boys who can't choose- between Cobol and Fortran.- Don't use LOGO . In fact, *no* programmers use LOGO after reaching- puberty.- Don't use APL, unless the whole program can be written on one line.- Don't use LISP. Only effemitate programmers use more parentheses- than actual code.- Dont use Pascal, Bliss, ADA or any of those sissy-pinko computer- science languages. Strong typing is a crutch for people with weak- memories.- Never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 a.m.- it's because they were up all night.- Don't play tennis or any other sport which requires a change of- clothes. Mountain climbing is ok, and real programmers often wear- climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up- in the middle of the machine room.- Disdain structured programming. Structured programming is for- compulsive, prematurely toilet-trained neurotics who wear neckties- and carefully line up sharpened pencils on an otherwise uncluttered- desk.- Don't like the team programming concept. Unless, of course, they are- the Chief Programmer.- Have no use for managers. Managers are a necessary evil. Managers- -Page -are for dealing with personnel bozos, bean counters, senior planners- and other mental defectives.- Scorn floating point arithmetic. The decimal point was invented for- pansy bedwetters who are unable to "think big."- Don't drive clapped-out Mavericks. They prefer BMWs, Lincolns or- pick-up trucks with floor shifts. Fast motorcycles are highly- regarded.- Don't believe in schedules. Planners make up schedules. Managers- "firm up" schedules. Frightened coders strive to meet schedules.- Real programmers ignore schedules.- Like vending machine popcorn. Coders pop it in the microwave oven.- Real programmers use the heat given off by the cpu. They can tell- what job is running just by listening to the rate of popping.- Know every nuance of every instruction and use them all in every real- program. Puppy architects won't allow execute instructions to- address another execute as the target instruction. Real programmers- despise such petty restrictions.- Don't bring brown bag lunches to work. If the vending machine sells- it, they eat it. If the vending machine doesn't sell it, they don't- eat it. Vending machines don't sell quiche.- Sent 1 files OK File Area #1: MISC Text Files and Info File Command: |