Сборники Художественной, Технической, Справочной, Английской, Нормативной, Исторической, и др. литературы.


THEY WRITE                                      THEY MEAN

It has long been known that...                  I haven't bothered to look up
                                               the original reference

...of great theoretical and practical           ...interesting to me

While it has not been possible to               The experiments didn't work
provide definite answers to these               out, but I figured I could at
questions.     least get a publication out
     of it.

The W-Pb system was chosen as           The fellow in the next lab had
especially suitable to show the                 some already made up
predicted behavior...

High purity...                                  Composition unknown except
Very high purity...                             for the exaggerated claims of
Extremely high purity...                        the supplier
Spectroscopically pure...

A fiducial reference line...                    A scratch

Three of the samples were                       The results of the others
chosen for detailed study...   didn't make sense and were

...handled with extreme care during             ...not dropped on the floor
the experiments

Typical results are shown...                    The best results are shown...

Although some detail has been lost              It is impossible to tell from
in reproduction, it is clear from the           the  micrograph
original micrograph that...

Presumably at longer times...                   I didn't take the time to find

The agreement with the predicted                fair
curve is excellent

good                                             poor

satisfactory                                     doubtful

fair                                             imaginary

...as good as could be expected                  non-existent

These results will be reported at                I might get around to this
a later date                                     sometime

The most reliable values are those               He was a student of mine
of Jones

It is suggested that...
It is believed that...                           I think...
It may be that...

It is generally believed that....                I have such a good objection
      to this answer that I shall
      now raise it.

It is clear that much additional                 I don't understand it
work will be required before a
complete understanding...

Unfortunately, a quantitative theory            Neither does anybody else
to account for these effects has not
been formulated

Correct within an order of magnitude            Wrong

It is to be hoped that this work                This paper isn't very good but
will stimulate further work in the field neither are any of the others
     on this miserable subject

Thanks are due to Joe Glotz for                 Glotz did the work and Doe
assistance with the experiments and             explained what it meant.
to John Doe for valuable discussions.

Gabe Wiener   Columbia University
Edited by Brad Templeton.  MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.UUCP
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  I will reply, mailers willing.
I reply to all submissions, but about 30% of the replies bounce.

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