Сборники Художественной, Технической, Справочной, Английской, Нормативной, Исторической, и др. литературы.

Construction project, Atomic Bomb

                     The following paper is taken
             from The journal of Irreproducible Results,
                       Volume 25/Number 4/1979.
            P.O. Box 234 Chicago Heights, Illinois 60411
                  Subscription's 1 year for $3.70

                            1. INTRODUCTION

    Worldwide controversy has been generated recently from several  court
decisions in the United States which  have  restricted  popular  magazines
from printing articles which describe how to  make  an  atomic  bomb.  The
reason usually given by the courts is  that  national  security  would  be
compromised if such information were generally available. But, since it is
commonly known that all of the information is publicly available  in  most
major metropolitan libraries,  obviously  the  court's  officially  stated
position is covering up a more important factor; namely, that such  atomic
devices would prove too difficult for the average  citizen  to  construct.
The United States courts cannot afford to insult the  vast  majorities  by
insinuating that they do not have the intelligence of a cabbage, and  thus
the "official"  press  releases  claim  national  security  as  a  blanket
    The rumors that have unfortunately occurred as a result of widespread
misinformation can (and must) be cleared  up  now,  for  the  construction
project this month is the construction of a  thermonuclear  device,  which
will hopefully clear up any misconceptions you might  have  about  such  a
project. We will see how easy it is to make a device of your very  own  in
ten easy steps, to  have  and  hold  as  you  see  fit,  without  annoying
interference from the government or the courts.
    The project will cost between $5,000 and $30,000  dollars,  depending
on how fancy you want the final product to be. Since last  week's  column,
"Let's Make a Time Machine", was received so well in the new  step-by-step
format, this month's column will follow the same format.

                          2. CONSTRUCTION METHOD

    1. First, obtain about 50 pounds (110 kg) of weapons grade  Plutonium
at your local supplier  (see  NOTE  1).  A  nuclear  power  plant  is  not
recommended, as large quantities of missing Plutonium tends to make  plant
engineers unhappy. We  suggest  that  you  contact  your  local  terrorist
organization, or perhaps the Junior Achievement in your neighborhood.
    2.  Please  remember  that  Plutonium,   especially   pure,   refined
Plutonium, is somewhat dangerous. Wash your hands with soap and warm water
after handling the material, and don't allow your children or pets to play
in it or eat it. Any left over Plutonium dust is excellent  as  an  insect
repellant. You may wish to keep the substance in a lead  box  if  you  can
find one in your local junk yard, but an old coffee can will do nicely.
    3. Fashion together a metal  enclosure  to  house  the  device.  Most
common varieties of sheet metal can be bent to disguise this enclosure as,
for example, a briefcase, a lunch pail, or a Buick. Do not use tinfoil.
    4. Arrange the Plutonium into two hemispheral  shapes,  separated  by
about 4 cm. Use rubber cement to hold the Plutonium dust together.
    5. Now get about  100  pounds  (220  kg)  of  trinitrotoluene  (TNT).
Gelignite is much better, but messier to work with. Your helpful  hardware
man will be happy to provide you with this item.
    6. Pack the TNT around the hemisphere arrangement constructed in step
4. If you cannot find Gelignite, fell free  to  use  TNT  packed  in  with
Playdo or any modeling clay. Colored clay is acceptable, but there  is  no
need to get fancy at this point.
    7. Enclose the structure from step 6 into the enclosure made in  step
3. Use a  strong  glue  such  as  "Crazy  Glue"  to  bind  the  hemisphere
arrangement against the enclosure to prevent accidental  detonation  which
might result from vibration or mishandling.
    8. To detonate the device,  obtain  a  radio  controlled  (RC)  servo
mechanism, as found in RC model airplanes and  cars.  With  a  modicum  of
effort, a remote plunger can be made that will strike a detonator  cap  to
effect a small explosion. These  detonatior  caps  can  be  found  in  the
electrical supply section of your  local  supermarket.  We  recommend  the
"Blast-O-Mactic" brand because they are no deposit-no return.
    9. Now hide the completed device from the neighbors and children. The
garage is not recommended because of high humidity and the  extreme  range
of temperatures experienced there. Nuclear  devices  have  been  known  to
spontaneously detonate in these unstable conditions. The  hall  closet  or
under the kitchen sink will be perfectly suitable.
    10. Now you are the proud owner of a working thermonuclear device! It
is a great ice-breaker at parties,  and  in  a  pinch,  anc  be  used  for
national defense.

                        3. THEORY OF OPERATION

    The device basically works when  the  detonated  TNT  compresses  the
Plutonium into a critical mass. The critical mass then produces a  nuclear
chain recation similar to the domino chain  reaction  (discussed  in  this
column, "Dominos on the March", March,  1968).  The  chain  reaction  then
promptly produces a big thermonuclear reaction. And there you have  it,  a
10 megaton explosion!

                         4. NEXT MONTH'S COLUMN

    In next month's column, we will learn how to  clone  your  neighbor's
wife in six easy steps. This project promises to be  an  exciting  weekend
full of fun and profit. Common kitchen utensils will be all you need.  See
you next month!

                                5. NOTES

    1. Plutonium (PU),  atomic  number  94,  is  a  radioactive  metallic
element formed by the decay  of  Neptunium  and  is  similar  in  chemical
structure to Uranium, Saturium, Jupiternium, and Marisum.

                       6. PREVIOUS MONTH'S COLUMNS

    1. Let's Make Test Tube Babies! May, 1979
    2. Let's Make a Solar System! June, 1979
    3. Let's Make a Economic Recession! July, 1979
    4. Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine! August, 1979
    5. Let's Make Contact with an Alien Race! September, 1979

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