The young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on
her first visit home since starting college. "Mom, I have to tell you,"
the girl confessed. "I lost my virginity last weekend."
"I'm not surprised," said her mother. "It was bound to happen
sooner or later. I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable
"Well, yes and no," the pretty student remarked. "The first eight
guys felt great, but after them my pussy got real sore."
"Adam," the heavenly voice called to the Garden of Eden, "what did
you and Eve do today?"
"We ate some fruit, Lord," Adam said reverently.
"Did you eat of the forbidden tree?" asked God.
"Yes, Lord, we did," Adam confessed.
"And then what did you do?" God asked.
"We made mad, passionate love all afternoon."
"Where is Eve now?" the Lord bellowed.
"She's down at the brook washing herself out."
"Oh, no," the Lord moaned." Now all the fish are going to smell
Q: How does a Mexican know when it's time to eat again?
A: His asshole stops burning.
Two guys wandered into a bar. One of the men shouted to the
barkeeper,"Hiya, Mike. Set 'em up for me and my pal here." Then he
turned to his slightly dim partner and boasted, "This is a great bar.
For every two drinks you buy, the house gives you one. And the pinball
machines in the back are free!"
"That's not so great,"responded the friend. "There's a bar across
town That'll match you drink for drink, and you can get laid in the back
"Where is this place?" the first guy exclaimed.
"Oh, I don't know," the dim fellow replied, "but my wife goes there
all the time."
An Israeli was sitting between two Arabs on a long airplane flight.
He had just removed his shoes and gotten comfortable when one of the
Arabs nudged him and said,"Hey, Jew, go get us some orange juice." To
avoid any trouble, the Israeli did so. When he left, both Arabs spit in
The Israeli came back with the juice, which the Arabs gulped down.
The rest of the flight was uneventful. The plane landed, and the Israeli
put on his shoes and felt the squishing inside. He turned to the Arabs
and said,"If there is ever going to be peace in the Middle East, the
Arabs will have to stop spitting in the shoes of Jews, and the Jews will
have to stop pissing in the Arabs' orange juice."
Three doctors were talking about the amazing things being done in
medicine. The first said,"Six weeks ago a man came in after losing a
hand in an accident just as a car crash victim was brought in dead on
arrival. I took a hand from the dead man and sewed it on the worker's
stump, and today he's out looking for a job."
The second physician said,"That's not so amazing. Six months ago I
gave a blind man a pair of dead man's eyes, and today he's out looking
for a job."
The third doctor said,"Neither of those cases tops this one. A year
and a half ago we took an asshole out of California, put it in the White
House, and today everybody is out looking for a job."
A well dressed lawyer went into a bar for a martini and found
himself beside a scrungy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying
something in his hand. The attorney leaned closer while the drunk held
the tiny object up to the light, slurring "Well, it looks like plastic."
Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding,"But it feels like
Curious, the lawyer asked, "What do you have there mister?"
The drunk stammered,"Damn if I know, but it looks like plastic and
feels like rubber."
The lawyer said,"Let me take a look." And the drunk handed it over.
The attorney rolled it between his thumb and fingers, then examined it
closely. "Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I
don't know what it is. Where did you get it anyway?"
The drunk replied, "Outa my nose."
** 008 Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a pig? A:
Nothing. There are some things even a pig won't do.
Q: How do you know when your girlfriend is too fat?
A: When she sits on your face and you can't hear the stereo
Q: What's the difference between black pussy and a bowling ball?
A: You can eat a bowling ball!
With the sun beginning to rise, the cabin of the jetliner was
suddenly illuminated. "Who turned on the fucking lights?" a male
passenger, who had been surly since boarding, snarled at a stewardess.
The girl had had enough of this particular character."These are the
breakfast lights, sir," she answered with forced sweetness. "The fucking
lights are much dimmer, and you snored right through them."
"Brace yourself, Mr. Cassidy," the physician told the patient on
whom he had performed a battery of costly tests. "You have approximately
six months to live."
"But I don't have insurance, doctor," said Cassidy, "and I can't
skimp and save enough to pay you in that time!"
"All right, all right," soothed the medical man. "Let's say nine
Three women - a German, a Jew and a Polack - all gave birth to
seven-pound baby boys at the same time. The nurses got the babies mixed
up somehow and couldn't tell which baby belonged to which mother. After
an hour of mass confusion the father of the German baby decided he'd
settle the problem. He walked into the nursery and lined up the three
infants in a row. He clicked his heels, raised his arm and shouted,
"Heil Hitler!" The German baby snapped to attention, the Jewish baby
shit, and the Polack baby played in it.
Even though a fellow was late for his flight, he dashed into the
airport men's room, pissed, and quickly headed for the door. At one of
the sinks a Marine sergeant was washing his hands. The Leatherneck
called to the man, "Hey, buddy, in the Marine Corps they teach us to
wash our hands after going to the bathroom."
The fellow stepped back into the men's room and looked at the
Marine. "Well, I was in the Navy, Sarge, and they taught us not to piss
on our hands!"
A man was walking down the street with a baby ape in his arms when
a friend stopped him and asked what he was doing with the chimp. "I just
bought this ape as a pet. We have no children; so he's going to live
with us - just like one of the family. He'll eat at the same table with
us. He'll even sleep in the same bed with me and my wife."
"But what about the smell?" the friend asked.
"Oh, he'll just have to get used to it, the same way I did."
Bill had just returned from a week of honeymooning, and his best
friend asked him how it went. "The first night we did it nine times,"
Bill said."The second night, eight times. The third night, seven times.
The fourth night, six times. The fifth night, five times. The sixth
night, four times, and the last night, nothing!"
"Nothing?" his pal asked. "How come?"
"Hey, you ever tried putting a marshmallow in a parking meter?"
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next
to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red
lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn
coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few
minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father,
what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked
women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How
long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope
Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom. "Suzy wants
to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy said. "I'm really
nervous. I know I'll goof up!"
"Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is
compliment her. Chicks love to be complemented. You'll have her in the
palm of your hand."
About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a black
eye. "Shit, man! What happened to you?!" his buddy asked.
"I took your advice."
"Didn't you compliment her?"
"sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told her that
for such full lips, hers sure tasted sweet. She liked that. After a
while I started feeling her tits, and I told her that for such large
breasts they sure were firm. She like that too."
"It sounds like you were doing great," his friend said.
"Well," the other answered, "that's when everything went wrong. I
got her dress up and her panties off, and I tried to think of another
"What did you say?"
"For such a large crack, it doesn't stink much."
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his
boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the
overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore,
the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the
shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.
"The sharks got 'em."
A gambler was telling a friend about his first junket to Las Vegas
and how hard it was to get any sleep. "I was awakened at one, two and
four in the morning by a drunk chorus girl banging on the door and
screaming," he recalled.
"That's terrible," the friend said." How'd you ever get any sleep?"
"At five o'clock I finally unlocked the door and let her out," the
Two ferocious cannibal chiefs sat licking their fingers after a
"Your wife makes a delicious roast,"one chief said.
"Thanks," his friend said."I'm gonna miss her."
From the outset, the blind date was a fiasco and it was intensified
by the fact that the fellow was too intensitive and ego-ridden to
realize it. The moment of truth came in the supper club as he clutched
the girl's thigh and whispered, "Baby, how's about our cutting out to my
pad so I can slip you nine inches?"
There was a moment of silence, and then the girl said, "You know, I
really don't think you could get it up three times in a row!"
After a wild freeway chase, the motorcycle cop waved the speeding
sports car over to the curb. When he walked up to the drivers window, he
was surprised to find a very attractive redhead behind the wheel.
"Ma'am," he said ."I'm afraid we're going to have to give you a
Breathalyzer test to see whether or not you've been drinking."
The test was taken and as the officer eyed the results, he said,
"Lady, you've had a couple of stiff ones."
"That's amazing!"the girl cried."You mean it shows that, too!"
The blind daters had really hit it off and at the end of the
evening, as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment,
the fellow said, "Before we go any further, Charmaine, tell me - do you
have any special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?"
"As a matter of fact," smiled the girl, "I do happen to have a foot
fetish - but I suppose I'd settle for maybe seven or eight inches."
Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, "I want you to help me
obtain a divorce. My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with."
"What do you mean?" asked the attorney. "Does he force you to
indulge in unusual sex practices?"
"No, he doesn't," replied the woman, "and neither does the little
The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband's lusty
advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. "I demand
proper manners in bed," she declared, "just as I do at the dinner
Amused by his wife's formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair
and climbed quietly between the sheets. "Is that better?" he asked, with
a hint of a smile."
"Yes," replied the girl, "much better."
"Very good, darling," the husband whispered. "Now would you be so
kind as to please pass the pussy."
It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take
in the zoo. They spent the day, and at closing time they walked past the
gorilla cage, and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife.
"That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your tits," he
said. "Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?"
At first she declined. But finally persuaded by her husband, she
took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started grunting
and jumping up and down.
"Hey," the husband said, "let's really blow his mind. Take off all
your clothes and we'll see what he does."
Again she said no and again he persuaded her. This time the ape
really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran
around in circles and tossed his food all over the cage.
The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and pushed his
wife in. "Now," said the husband, "tell that motherfucker you have a
Marge was getting pretty upset about her husband's lack of
attention and decided to come on a little stronger to him. After dinner,
she put on her sexy, backless nightgown backward and sauntered into the
"Notice anything?" she asked slyly.
"Yes, you've got your nightgown on backward," her husband answered
"How could you tell?" she cooed.
"Because the shit stains are in the front," he said.
After his annual physical, the sexually active bachelor was waiting
in the doctor's office for the results.
"Well," said the doctor, "I have good news and bad news for you."
"The way I feel, please give me the good news first" replied the
"The good news," announced the doctor, "is that your penis has
grown an additional four inches since your last exam."
"Great!" the man shouted. "What is the bad news?"
"It's malignant," replied the doctor.
Question: Why wasn't Christ born in Mexico?
Answer: Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
A woman walked into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. The local
drunk saw this and asked, "Say there, whatcha doin' with that pig?"
"That's not a pig, stupid!" she said coldly."That's a duck."
"I know," replied the drunk. "I was talking to the duck."
Did you know that computer sales persons are so full of shit that
if they had an enema they could be buried in a shoe box!
Three guys - a Frenchman, a German and a Polack, were sitting in a
bar. In walked a mean looking black guy looking for a fight. He sat
down, ordered a beer, took a drink, went over and slapped the Frenchman
and said, "I like fucking white women."
The Frenchman looked at him and thought,"Well, that's great."
Then the big black guy went over to the German, hit him on the
shoulder and said, "I like fucking white women." The German looked at
him and said, "Good for you."
The black guy sat down and took another drink of his beer. He got
up, walked over to the Polack and belted him on the back, then said, "I
like fucking white women." The Polack sat and thought for a second and
finally said, "I don't blame you. I don't like fucking those black ones
A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms.
When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair.
The man shouted, "What, no wool? In my country all women have wool
The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit or
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the
remains of her cat.
As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said,
"Sit with my wife. You two have alot in common."
A foxy young lady was having trouble keeping boyfriends after the
first date, so she decided to go to a doctor to find out what the
problem was. The doctor asked her to take off her clothes and lie on the
examining table. He checked her pussy and, finding nothing wrong, asked
her to roll over and spread her ass. After checking her asshole and
again finding nothing wrong, he told her to sit up so he could examine
Upon looking into her mouth he exclaimed, "You've got the worst
case of Zacklies I've ever seen!"
"Zacklies?" she said, puzzled. "What's that?"
"Your mouth smells zackly like your ass!"
A drunk was trying to make time with a pretty girl at a cocktail
party, but she wasn't having any part of him. .. especially the part he
had in mind. After a while, to show his contempt for her, he inquired
loudly, "Tell me, dear, what happens when whores get pregnant?"
Amused, she answered, "Don't tell me you still think your mother
found you under a cabbage leaf!"
Two men were walking in the park when they came upon this dog that
had bent itself into a weird position and was licking its balls. One man
said, "Gee! I wish I could do that."
The other man replied, "I think you better get to be friends
After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was
nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, "What the hell
"As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss,"
replied the wife.
"Piss on him," answered the husband.
"You did," said the wife, "and he fired you."
"Well, fuck him," said the husband.
"I did, and you go back to work in the morning."
Upon answering the door to her whorehouse, the madam was surprised
to see an amputee.
"Look at yourself," the madam said, "no arms, no legs, what could
you possibly do?"
The amputee replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
Did you hear about the new daredevil, Ku Klux Knievel?
He's going to try to jump over 50 blacks with a steamroller!
This fellow was screwing his best friend's wife when he suddenly
stopped and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands.
"What the hell has happened to you?" the lady asked.
"I feel like a regular son of a bitch, getting my best friends
pussy," the man moaned.
The lady reached over and patted him on the back. "Well, if that's
all it is, you can stop worrying," she said. "You're not getting his
pussy. His pussy is five to six inches deeper."
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd
toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of
catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her,
a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded
in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and
after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the
hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came
home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their
daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers
up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew,
the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy.
The mother said to the young man, "That was wonderful. You should be a
doctor!" The ungrateful father jumped up, twisted the boy's arm behind
his back and yelled, "Doctor, my ass! He's going to be our son-in-law.
Smell his fingers!"
One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down
to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. fascinated by what he
saw, the man gained the mouse's confidence with some cheese and then
took him next door. The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping
a German Sheppard. The man, very excited by this, was dying to show
someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he
could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with
"Don't be afraid, darling," said the man. "Wait until I tell you
"Get out of here!" cried his wife. "And take that sex maniac with
Three men of the cloth - a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister and
a Rabbi - were counting collections taken during services for the week.
They were trying to come up with an equitable way to divide the money
between God (the two churches and one synagogue) and themselves (the
clerics' weekly income).
The priest was the first to speak: "I know what! I'll draw a line
down the middle of the sanctuary, toss the money up in the air, and
whatever falls on the right side of the line is for God and whatever
falls on the left side is for us."
The Baptist minister cried, "No! No! No! I'll draw a circle in the
middle of the sanctuary, toss the money up in the air, and whatever
falls inside the circle is for God and whatever falls outside the circle
is for us."
The Rabbi then asked the two other men to accompany him outside.
There he offered this suggestion: "What I would do with the money is
this: Toss it up in the air, and whatever God catches is His and
whatever falls on the ground is ours."
Two Polacks purchased a bird dog. They took the dog out to give it
a try. After a long while one Polack said to the other, "Well, we'll
throw him up in the air one more time. If he doesn't fly, we'll shoot
the son of a bitch!"
During a big fire downtown the firemen were having a bit of
trouble. A woman was stuck on the fourth floor with her baby. The fire
fighters instructed her to toss the child out the window, under which
they had placed a net, but the mother refused.
Things looked grim until a tall, well-built black man burst through
the crowd and shouted to the women. He said that he was a professional
football player and that he could catch the baby safely. After a few
minutes more of reassurances by the man, the mother finally let the
The football player made a breathtaking catch, and everybody
cheered. At that moment the man suddenly raised the child high in the
air, spiked it on the ground and screamed, "Touchdown!"
A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the
desk, the receptionist asked "Yes sir, may we help you?"
"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.
The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come
into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you." he said.
"We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go
outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your
ear or whatever."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered. The
receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your
"I can't piss out of it." the man replied.
Tired of the boring "straights" she'd been laying, a chick decided
she'd find out if bikers were really the heavy "cocksmen" that she heard
they were. So she picked up a gigantic bro and went went with him up to
his pad. Stripped and ready, anxiously awaiting some real action, she
was astonished to see that his fully erect crank was only two inches
"Who," she demanded scornfully,"do you think you're gonna satisfy
Grinning confidently, the bro replied,"Me!"
The common symptoms of swine flu are: High fever, upset stomach,
occasional cramps and an irresistable urge to fuck in the mud.
Question: How do you kill an Aggie?
Answer: Sneak up on him while he's getting a drink of water, then
slam the toilet seat on his head.
At a football game two Texans were seated behind two nuns. One
Texan said to his friend, "I can't wait to get back to Dallas. There are
only ten Catholics there."
His buddy replied, "I can't wait to get back to Houston. There are
only five Catholics there."
Finally, one of the nuns commented, "You both should go to hell!
There aren't any Catholics there!"
One day a farmer caught a traveling salesman making love to his
youngest daughter. Yelling "You son of a bitch!" he shot the amorous
salesman in the groin with a .12-gauge shotgun.
The screaming salesman quickly took off for town to find a doctor.
He found one, but the physician took one look at the man's perforated
pecker and told him that nothing could be done for him.
"Oh, please do something," begged the salesman. "I'm a rich man and
can pay you anything."
"Sorry, son," said the doctor. "There's nothing I can do. However,
there's a man across the street who might be able to help."
"Oh? Is he a specialist?" asked the salesman.
"No," said the doctor, "he's a piccolo player. He'll teach you how
to hold it without pissing in your face."
There was a fellow who had never been to bed with a woman, so two
of his friends decided to play a trick on him. They bought an inflatable
love doll and put it into his bed. Then called him at work and told him
the girl of his dreams was home in bed and ready for anything.
The next day his friends asked him how things had gone. "Very
strange," he replied. "I slipped out of my clothes and got in beside
her. She was cold, so I tried to warm her up. Then I bit her on the
neck, but she just farted a few times and flew out the window!"
A conductor, while taking tickets on the train, noticed a lady with
a small and extremely ugly baby on her lap. "Lady," the conductor said,
"that is by far the ugliest baby I have ever seen."
The woman, horrified by the conductor's comment, began screaming at
him, and demanded that her money be refunded and the conductor be fired.
The head conductor then came into the car and tried to smooth
things over. "Listen, lady," he said, "if you will forget all about this
matter, I'll see that you get the best treatment possible, I'll give you
your money back, and I'll even try to find you a nice, ripe banana for
that monkey of yours."
Three elderly women, recently transplanted from the Northeast to a
Florida retirement community, were getting acquainted at poolside.
Inevitably, their conversation turned to children.
"My son is the most successful doctor on Park Avenue," announced
Not to be outdone, the second remarked, "My son is the most
successful lawyer on Wall Street."
The third remained conspicuously silent. Sensing easier game, the
first matron inquired, "And you, dear, do you have a son?"
"And is he a professional?" demanded the second.
"Well, not exactly," answered the third. "Actually, he's a plumber.
And not only that, he's gay."
Beaming, one of the poor woman's interrogators offered consolation:
"Ah, he's not doing so well."
This time it was the third woman who smiled. "He's not doing too
badly," she explained. "He goes out with the most successful doctor on
Park Avenue and the most successful lawyer on Wall Street."
An Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in an old
Western town when he noticed a curious lack of women.
Walking into the local saloon he asked a cocky shitkicker, "What do
you fellas do around here for entertainment?"
"Ya mean women?" asked the shitkicker. "We ain't got none. 'Round
here folks fuck sheep."
"That's disgusting," cried the correspondent, "I've never heard of
such moral degredation."
However, after a few months, the correspondent's rocks were
beginning to ache and the sheep were looking more and more attractive.
So he finally went out and found himself a comely sheep, brought
her back to his room, shampooed her and then tied ribbons in her hair.
After a bottle of champagne, he lured the sheep into his bedchamber and
released his pent-up frustrations.
Afterward, he escorted his four-legged lover to the saloon for a
drink. As the correspondent and his wooly mate entered, a hush fell over
the patrons and the anxious couple became the object of many stares.
"You goddamn bunch of hypocrites!" the reporter yelled. "You've
been fucking sheep for years, but when I do it up right you look at me
like I'm some sort of crazy pervert!"
One cowboy in the back of the crowd spoke up, "Yeah, but that's the
Did you hear about the computer salesman with two red ears who went
to the doctors office? The doctor asked him what had happened to his
"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang," answered the salesman.
"But instead of picking up the phone I picked up the iron and stuck it
to my ear."
"Damn," the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But then, what happened
to your other ear?"
The salesman replied, "Whoever it was called back."
A grungy old lumberjack, in town for the first time in weeks, went
to the local brothel and demanded the roughest, toughest and meanest
girl in the house. "That'll be Mary," said the madam. "Go to Room Four,
and I'll send her up."
"Fine,"said the lumberjack,"and tell her to bring a couple of
In due time, Mary appeared. She put the two bottles of beer on the
floor, took off her negligee, positioned herself on her hands and knees
and pointed to her pussy.
"No! No!" exclaimed the lumberjack. "In the bed, the old-fashioned
"Sure, pal," grunted Mary, "but I thought ya might want to open
them beers first."
On the first Day
In the beginning there was data. The data was without form and null,
and darkness was upon the face of the console; and the Spirit of IBM
was moving over the face of the market. And DEC said, "Let there be
registers"; and there were registers. And DEC saw that they carried;
and DEC separated the data from the instructions. DEC called the data
Stack, and the instructions they called Code. And there was evening
and there was morning, one interrupt...
The wedding night should be like a good chicken meal -
- a little bit of breast
- a little bit of leg
..... and a lot of stuffing !!!
Treat the Bride like a new car, go easy for the first 500.
Forecast for Wedding...
Expected development of Warm front, with extreme
turbulence and moisture in lower regions.
Good possibility of six inches overnight.
Sun(son) is expected later on.
Love is a thousand miles long but comes in six inch instalments.
Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently
and She'll last for many years.
If you don't want the Stork to come, Shoot in the air.
Hope you honeymoon is like a train ride through the Khyber Pass,
One long hard route.
Don't go on your honeymoon for longer than 5 days,
or you will get a Weak End (Weekend).
Two IRA men are on their way to plant a bomb
1: What happens if the bomb goes off before we get there?
2: Don't worry, I've got a spare one in the car.
Q: Whats the fastest game in the world?
A: Pass the parcel in a Belfast pub.
Somebody asking a cop:
- Can I...
- Yes, you can.
- Can I...
- Yes, you CAN!
- Oh, it means I MAY...
- NO, YOU MAY NOT.
Русская веpсия этого анекдота известна всем, а на этом пpимеpе в школе об'ясняли
pазличие между MAY и CAN. Давно...